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Jokes
Sept 13, 2004 14:24:37 GMT -5
Post by The Jackal on Sept 13, 2004 14:24:37 GMT -5
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder. 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records.
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Jokes
Sept 14, 2004 5:41:11 GMT -5
Post by SGT.ALupNu on Sept 14, 2004 5:41:11 GMT -5
>:(I dont get >:(it lmao
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Jokes
Sept 30, 2004 10:36:17 GMT -5
Post by The Jackal on Sept 30, 2004 10:36:17 GMT -5
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother.
Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a "quickie,"only you do it yourself.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde? A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A. A mechanic!
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A. A battery has a positive side.
Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits? A. The blonde, because she's 18.
Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex A. "Honey, I'm home!"
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint? A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..
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Elias
New Member
Posts: 4
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Jokes
Oct 6, 2004 20:19:03 GMT -5
Post by Elias on Oct 6, 2004 20:19:03 GMT -5
Q: why do blondes have bruised belly buttons? A: blonde guys
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51Fifty
Full Member
"sOmEbOdY mAkE tHe VoIcEs StOp!...please?"
Posts: 76
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Jokes
Oct 19, 2004 17:05:52 GMT -5
Post by 51Fifty on Oct 19, 2004 17:05:52 GMT -5
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Jokes
Oct 26, 2004 9:18:56 GMT -5
Post by GiverofDeath on Oct 26, 2004 9:18:56 GMT -5
FROM 13 TO 1 -- THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY: 13. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway...
12. Life is sexually transmitted...
11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die...
10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich...
9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks...
8. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism...
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal...
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first...
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration & Homeland Security...
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Jokes
Oct 26, 2004 9:23:38 GMT -5
Post by GiverofDeath on Oct 26, 2004 9:23:38 GMT -5
While she was "flying" down the road (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it and stretch it until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
To which she politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park him behind a bridge........"
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Jokes
Oct 28, 2004 12:43:05 GMT -5
Post by The Jackal on Oct 28, 2004 12:43:05 GMT -5
(NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly upervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!
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Jokes
Nov 15, 2004 13:04:42 GMT -5
Post by GiverofDeath on Nov 15, 2004 13:04:42 GMT -5
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so darn boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. The first fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause.
The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."
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51Fifty
Full Member
"sOmEbOdY mAkE tHe VoIcEs StOp!...please?"
Posts: 76
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Jokes
Jul 30, 2005 19:36:23 GMT -5
Post by 51Fifty on Jul 30, 2005 19:36:23 GMT -5
Q: What does a virgin girl and a balloon have in common? A: Just one little prick and it's all over.
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Jokes
Oct 2, 2005 8:29:40 GMT -5
Post by ={BH}= Beckett on Oct 2, 2005 8:29:40 GMT -5
Now thats some funny stuff. good thread gents.
Lil Johny looked at his dad and with the most sincere look in his eyes ask " Where do babies come from"? Dad thought for a second and knew this was a defiening moment between him and his son and took a deep breath. His reply " From the stork". Lil Johny very cunfused now scratches his head and ponders a thought. asking " You screwed a stork"?
an oldy but a goody. Beckett
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Jokes
Jan 26, 2006 20:36:04 GMT -5
Post by LeathalDosage on Jan 26, 2006 20:36:04 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar..........ouch!
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Jokes
Feb 2, 2006 7:13:55 GMT -5
Post by ={BH}= Beckett on Feb 2, 2006 7:13:55 GMT -5
a seal walks into a club.... get it.. lmao
Beckett
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51Fifty
Full Member
"sOmEbOdY mAkE tHe VoIcEs StOp!...please?"
Posts: 76
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Jokes
Feb 9, 2006 3:29:34 GMT -5
Post by 51Fifty on Feb 9, 2006 3:29:34 GMT -5
Those jokes were dumber than two bald men fighting over a comb...da da dum chsh! Those jokes were dumber than a speed limit on a race track...da da dum chsh! Those jokes were dumber than guy considering marraige...da da dum chsh! Those jokes were dumber than a reverse-barrelled shotgun...da da dum chsh! (unless you're the guy considering marraige...ouch!) Those jokes were dumber than the maroon behind this keyboard...da da dum chsh!
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51Fifty
Full Member
"sOmEbOdY mAkE tHe VoIcEs StOp!...please?"
Posts: 76
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Jokes
Feb 9, 2006 3:46:49 GMT -5
Post by 51Fifty on Feb 9, 2006 3:46:49 GMT -5
After being unable to find a job after High School, a young man went to work on his uncle's ranch for scrap pay but room and board. The uncle's ranch however was void of women so the workers could concentrate on their work. The workers lived on the ranch during the season and showed the nephew how to be a rancher and he became very good, earning their respect. After about a month the ranchers told the nephew of a secret barrel that they used when stressed about not having women around. "Just stick yer pecker in the hole and enjoy, but only go out at midnight and don't get caught!" The nephew, after a day's work with nothing but the barrel in mind, decided to try it. He never felt anything like it! Hooked, the nephew went out to the barrel every night until one morning when his Uncle came to tak to him. Nervous, thinking the uncle knew about his visits to the barrel, the nephew was glad when his uncle said, "I have a new job for you this month. I'm sure you'll realize the importance of this responsibility." "What is it, Uncle?" "It's your turn in the barrel."
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